October
Heartbreak
So in between my brief respite in Ghana and the week I was scheduled as a trainer for the new arrivals I decided to run back to village for a couple of days. Since this mad-man roller coaster begun with Mid-service conference I have done this a couple of times—I think it is better to make it back for a couple of days, make it to some meetings and reassure people that I am still here and committed, than to be completely absent for long periods of time. This has its disadvantages as well, and seeing as how expensive it can be to travel, this tends to exacerbate the image of me as a wealthy American here to hand out gifts and monetary assistance, which is the most difficult and frustrating part of my day to day service. I came home expecting my pup Jack to run up and give me the warm welcome I have come to expect when I arrive back from traveling. Every time I turn the corner and head towards my compound after being gone for a week or two I have the sinking suspicion that something may have happened to my pets while I was gone.
This time I was right. Jack was nowhere to be found. Maman told me that he ‘wants to die’ and has been very sick, that the other puppy died while I was gone and the mama dog probably won’t make it through the night.
Pulling it together
At five o’clock in the morning I buried my dog. After an hour of comatose crying I pulled myself together and assembled a massive stack of ems packages to be sent out to my fellow volunteers—I had been in charge of both ordering and sending out our NRM 2010 stage t-shirts as well as the trainer pagne for the swear-in ceremony in November. At nine o’clock I was at the post in Kanté, eyes swollen and in a daze waiting for the bus South. The post woman had asked me if I was being affectéed (transferred) to another post and I wondered if my host family thought I might not return as well. I was a mess. It is amazing though, how life goes on. I suppose I could have stayed, I could have talked a friend into staying to train a couple extra days for me while I wallowed in grief at my house, but I think it was better that I wasn’t there. After a few hours on the bus, silently crying intermittently, I began to function again, if only for appearances.
I finally arrived in Tsévié and met up with some friends at a bar to drown out my sorrows and then made my way out to Gbatopé where the new NRM trainees are based. Heidi, a good friend and the trainer for the previous week, and I had a really good talk and she prepped me for any information I might need to know for the next week.
Training
I must say, being a trainer was one of the most rewarding experiences I have had here in Peace Corps Togo. Just the sheer fresh attitudes, the inquisitiveness and exuberance that new situations and the aura of new possibilities this experience can bring were contagious. It was exactly the breath of fresh air that I needed at that point. I love when things work out the way they should. At first I was really worried that the Jack situation would put a massive damper on the whole experience but I truly think they helped me as much as I helped them get through that week. It felt amazing to realize how far I have come this past year spent here in Togo, how much I have learned about myself and a host of new materials, about culture and coping. We had a blast! I feel that while the actual session part of the week is instrumental for trainees but that is not really the asset we bring to the table. Why it is so important to have Volunteer trainers is because we break down that barrier of empirical knowledge and overwhelming amount of new information with personal experience and empathy for what they are going through. We are there to answer questions, to assure them that all this will pass or at least become easier to deal with.
It is at a crucial time for us as well. We are reaching our mid-service mark. Just like a mid-life crisis, there are very real and tangible mid-service crises. It is a pattern that is scarily on point for nearly all Volunteers—these stages of service that we all experience in one way or another.